Eddie before the birthday gala....
Sep. 20th, 2023 06:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
batteryacidA frequent topic of town chatter since Eddie had arrived was Ms. Dahlia Leeds's birthday gala. He had roughly half a month's notice and anything dress code appropriate was firmly out of his means. Even though Eddie was well aware, thanks to the local tailor(s), that Ms. Leeds had opened a tab for people to rent clothing for the event... he hadn't felt right doing so.
Maybe a single meeting during Parade Day was a poor justification, but just attending the party would give him a chance to speak with her more. He could apologize for getting killed when he should've had her back, for one thing, and find out more about her without the possible distortion of the gossip chain, for another.
Then Angel approached Eddie with a request to be his 'plus one' as offered in an official, personalized invitation from Dahlia to Angel... and Eddie attending the gala event became a certainty.
Eddie winced his way through the display of couture options -- listen, his formative years were spent in the United States in 1950s and early 1960s, there were some Very Definite ideas of masculinity that got shoved down his throat -- just absolutely not used to all the fanciness and frilliness available in menswear as well. Luckily, the shop assistant was patient, and they managed to find something appropriate yet understated.
(The darker reds, like maroon and burgundy, are some of Eddie's favorite colors to wear, and he is willing to put up with the weirdly large buttons in exchange for the shiny embroidered embellishments not taking over the entire look. And if he has to shave his legs for the tights, it's not like he's unfamiliar with the process. The things one does for bike racing...)
****
Dress code aside, a fancy party for a rich person's birthday is not unfamiliar to Eddie. Most of his experience with it has been driving celebrities to the parties of their compatriots, but Myra also has some well-off friends. When Eddie and Myra were married, he'd put in a fair number of appearances at such gatherings.
On September the 20th, Eddie took care of all his farm-related duties early in the day (including lavishing Bobbin and Thread with attention and treats so they would -- probably, maybe, hopefully -- not wander). He did all of the washing and grooming necessary to be presentable after preparing Missy for the trip to the Leeds Estate, and then set off on a leisurely pace across the island.
Eddie stops by the townhouse that Angel picked out to live in -- upon officially joining the fire brigade -- and presents him with a boutonnière of cloth flowers. The white rose buds are made of satin, and the leaf embellishments of velvet. (Being on friendly terms with the owner of a clothing shop has its perks.)
"I figured you'd like it," Eddie says to Angel, as he fastens it in place, "and it will last longer than real flowers."
Afterward, the pair swing by Grace Holloway's home since Eddie offered to give her a ride to the gala. It'll be good for Angel to have some socializing time with someone else!
****
Maybe a single meeting during Parade Day was a poor justification, but just attending the party would give him a chance to speak with her more. He could apologize for getting killed when he should've had her back, for one thing, and find out more about her without the possible distortion of the gossip chain, for another.
Then Angel approached Eddie with a request to be his 'plus one' as offered in an official, personalized invitation from Dahlia to Angel... and Eddie attending the gala event became a certainty.
Eddie winced his way through the display of couture options -- listen, his formative years were spent in the United States in 1950s and early 1960s, there were some Very Definite ideas of masculinity that got shoved down his throat -- just absolutely not used to all the fanciness and frilliness available in menswear as well. Luckily, the shop assistant was patient, and they managed to find something appropriate yet understated.
(The darker reds, like maroon and burgundy, are some of Eddie's favorite colors to wear, and he is willing to put up with the weirdly large buttons in exchange for the shiny embroidered embellishments not taking over the entire look. And if he has to shave his legs for the tights, it's not like he's unfamiliar with the process. The things one does for bike racing...)
****
Dress code aside, a fancy party for a rich person's birthday is not unfamiliar to Eddie. Most of his experience with it has been driving celebrities to the parties of their compatriots, but Myra also has some well-off friends. When Eddie and Myra were married, he'd put in a fair number of appearances at such gatherings.
On September the 20th, Eddie took care of all his farm-related duties early in the day (including lavishing Bobbin and Thread with attention and treats so they would -- probably, maybe, hopefully -- not wander). He did all of the washing and grooming necessary to be presentable after preparing Missy for the trip to the Leeds Estate, and then set off on a leisurely pace across the island.
Eddie stops by the townhouse that Angel picked out to live in -- upon officially joining the fire brigade -- and presents him with a boutonnière of cloth flowers. The white rose buds are made of satin, and the leaf embellishments of velvet. (Being on friendly terms with the owner of a clothing shop has its perks.)
"I figured you'd like it," Eddie says to Angel, as he fastens it in place, "and it will last longer than real flowers."
Afterward, the pair swing by Grace Holloway's home since Eddie offered to give her a ride to the gala. It'll be good for Angel to have some socializing time with someone else!
****
no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 03:54 am (UTC)'Sit up!' he screams at himself in his head -- Eddie straightens up as much as he can and tries to pull in air. One hand flails around, only stilling when it rests on Angel. Eddie starts inhaling through his mouth and exhaling through his nose, forcing deeper breaths.
Once he finally stops wheezing, he turns in his chair toward Angel -- practically falls out of the chair, really -- and just clings.
"...sorry..." Eddie whispers, "I... can't."
Can't talk about it, can barely think about it, without feeling the fear choke him.
no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 04:02 am (UTC)"Whatever we have, whatever we can have, it's enough for me."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 04:15 am (UTC)Eddie holds Angel in turn, as best he can. Eddie feels like something broken, all the pieces collected in a bag so it's all there but it's not together. Eddie feels like something broken, can almost feel the shards of it under his skin.
"I don't know what this is. Does it have to have a name?"
no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 04:20 am (UTC)"I like it, when I'm holding onto you. It always makes up for the sadness I feel, when we let go."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 04:28 am (UTC)That feels safer, not worrying about the words for it. Words can be such a trap -- a weapon, a goad, a reminder of something terrible.
Eddie strokes one hand up and down Angel's back. "I don't want you to be sad, but I think we will have to let go... eventually." A moment of thought, and then Eddie murmurs, "Not just yet, but eventually."
no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 04:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 04:39 am (UTC)But that's not a protest, and neither is it when he snuggles up to Angel. Eddie likes having his hair petted, which is... new. Something he suspected but never really had the chance to confirm before now.
"Thank you for putting up with my human silliness, revenant." (Revenant may be too fancy, but it sounds miles better than 'zombie', so there.)
no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 04:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 02:27 pm (UTC)"Ideally, corpses don't move, but revenants do. So I think my word is more accurate than yours." Eddie smirks for a second, before his expression softens again while looking at Angel. "I like you, Angel. Probably the most of anyone I've met here. And I like when you're here with me. Is that... enough?"
no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 05:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-09-30 05:59 pm (UTC)'What would Ma say?' the unwelcome thought drifts up, and Eddie remembers all those times that Sonia Kaspbrak would insult Phil and Tony, the Tracker brothers -- call them queer (sneering as she did so) for keeping their mid-Victorian house nice. He tells himself sharply, 'Ma's not here and what she'd say doesn't matter.'
"Thank you..." Eddie cuddles closer and says softly, "when I figure myself out... when I can think without freaking the fuck out... would you want to hear about it? Why I'm afraid? So you understand me better, I hope."
no subject
Date: 2023-10-01 02:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-01 02:46 am (UTC)He breathes, deep and slow, to prove that he's okay now. There's no rasp or crackle in his lungs -- they're clear. It's his brain that's all muddled up.
It's fine if other people are gay, are lesbians, are bisexual. But for Eddie to be? Not safe. Never. Not with Sonia Kaspbrak determined to stamp out any sign of sickness that came near her fragile little boy, and so sure of her awful ideas that queerness was a kind of sickness of the mind. She was wrong, and Eddie knows that now, but... he still can't apply it to himself.'Don't think it and you're safe. All those terrors of infection and rot won't get you if you don't think about it.'
"I just need time," Eddie says quietly. "Thank you for giving me time. Thank you for not being angry."
no subject
Date: 2023-10-01 02:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-01 02:59 am (UTC)Just stay calm. Everything is okay. Angel isn't mad and he just wants to make sure you recover... that's all.
For now, that's all it can be.
Eddie sighs softly and hugs Angel close. "You're good to me, Angel. Probably better than I deserve." And then he says it again, because it's still true: "I'm sorry I scared you."